Author: Nixa Jane.
Pairing: Brendan Dean/Dr. Emmett.
Rating: R, for language.
Summary: "Look, I know you're really hot, but you're not very good at the flirting thing."
"And where the hell did you two come from, anyway?" the scruffy man snapped. "Did you take a wrong turn on your way to a photo shoot for Vogue?"
Special Agent Brendan Dean resisted the urge to bang his head on the interrogation table, or maybe question the choice of magazine, which would only come off sounding defensive, he was sure. Freya just looked amused. She got a kick out of stuff like this.
"Can you please just answer the question?" he asked, calling on every bit of patience he had and trying to look non-threatening, and not like he was thirty seconds from strangling him.
The man, Dr. Emmett was the only name he'd been able to get, rolled his eyes. "Oh for god's sake, would you stop batting your eyelashes at me? I've told you all I know, and you being all attractive and slutty really isn't going to change that."
Brendan sat back, and widened his eyes. "I was not--I don't bat my eyelashes, and I certainly wasn't batting them at you!"
"You were, actually," Dr. Emmett said. "You've been doing it since you got here. Look, I know you're really hot, but you're not very good at the flirting thing. Instead of handcuffing me to a chair right off the bat, you really should have bought me dinner first."
"You assaulted a NSA agent!" Brendan snapped.
"Oh please," he snapped. "I poked him. He was a sniveling worm, he had it coming, and the handcuffs are just vindictive, really."
Freya was trying really hard not to laugh, Brendan could tell. He rested one of his hands on his forehead and counted to ten. "For the last time, Dr. Emmett, why did you assault Agent Kavanaugh?"
"You work with him and you can't figure that out?" Emmett asked, incredulously. "And I only poked him. Seriously, when did poking become assault?"
Brendan watched the man as he irritably tugged at his handcuffs, frowning and biting his lip. He was kind of a cute, in a deranged mad scientist kind of way. Scruffy. Hot. Freya snickered beside him and he winced, and began reciting the lyrics to Scooby Doo in the back of his mind just to annoy her.
"Agent Kavanaugh said you lunged at him and knocked him into a table."
"He lost his balance, that was all," Emmett said, "and could you maybe tell your partner to stop checking me out? I'm through with women. She's wasting her time. Monica was the absolute last one. She left me for a fucking dolphin."
Brendan blinked. Then he blinked again. He glanced at Freya. "Are you getting any of this?" he asked.
Freya had mostly lost the fight not to laugh. "He was drunk, because, as he said, his girlfriend left him for a dolphin, and Kavanaugh told him that he was in his seat, so Dr. Emmett poked him, a little more forcefully than he would have us believe, and sent him flying."
"Yes, that's right," Emmett said, pointing at her in agreement,; his wrist snagged on the metal cuff and he winced. "Hey, how did you know all that?"
Brendan sighed, relieved the interrogation was almost through. "So there's really no weight to Kavanaugh's claims that he's really a secret foreign agent sent to assassinate him?"
"Nope," Freya said. "This is the fourth time this week he's brought us a not-assassin. Someone should really do something about his paranoia."
"Yeah, like assassinate him," Emmett snapped. "The man's a menace. Can I go now?"
Brendan watched him with narrowed eyes. "Are you going to try and feel me up again if I do?"
"God, you guys are all really sensitive for a bunch of supposed "Special" agents. Fine, I won't molest you again, but I should remind you; you're the one that handcuffed me." Emmett looked at the cuffs pointedly and Freya snorted.
"I think I'll let you handle this," she said, but before she left, she tugged Brendan off to the side. "Just...don't turn your back on him," she warned.
Brendan frowned. "You think he's dangerous?"
Freya flashed him a smirk. "Only to your virtue."
Brendan gave a long-suffering sigh and shoved her out the door. Then he pulled the keys from his pocket and sat on the table counter beside Emmett's chair. Emmett was watching him sulkily now. "I think I'm going to have bruises," he said. "I'm going to sue."
"Good luck with that," Brendan said, as he unlocked one set of the cuffs and moved on to the other. "Oh, and also, before I forget, thanks for knocking Kavanaugh through a table. I'm not actually allowed to do things like that without getting fired, so I'll have to live vicariously."
Emmett snorted. "And where's the apology? There should be an apology in there, somewhere. I have a life, you know, things to do. I can't just get ushered down here to be interrogated every time someone thinks I'm a spy!"
"Just how often does that happen to you?" Brendan asked innocently.
"Well, okay, not that exactly," Emmett snapped, "but you, the government in general, I mean, keep screwing with me. And not in the good way, which I'm totally all for, by the way."
"Wow," Brendan said. "You aren't subtle."
"I'm not actually around people a lot," Emmett admitted. "I mostly hang around with my snakes."
"Uh huh," Brendan said. "I hope that works out for you."
"Don't worry about that," Emmett said. "I'm working on a one-stop cure-all for snake bites, in a year or two, I'll have a Nobel Prize, easy. Also, I'll be rich."
Brendan watched him carefully. "Seriously?"
Emmett nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, there's a cash award for the Nobel Prize. You didn't know?"
Brendan rolled his eyes. "I was referring to the snake bite cure-all. That's cool."
"Oh, right." Emmett's eyes lit up. "Isn't it? Hey, you want to see them?"
"See what?" Brendan asked.
"My snakes," Emmett said. "I just moved down here--I've got a brand new lab, and Betty was flown in last night."
"Betty?" Brendan asked, suspicious.
Emmett nodded. "My boa constrictor."
"You live in a strange world, don't you?" Brendan asked.
"You have no idea," Emmett said.
Brendan grinned. "I have a feeling I might, and if I don't, Freya sure as hell does."
Emmett grinned, still rubbing at his unmarked wrists like he'd been held there for hours and not fifteen minutes. "You up for a little more weird?" he asked.
"Lead the way," Brendan said. "I'm off duty in five minutes, and I wouldn't want to let things get boring."
Emmett placed his hand at the small of Brendan's back to lead him out, and then his hand slid down a little further, and Brendan said, "hey, you promised not to feel me up again!"
"I lied," Emmett said, grinning, and Brendan had a feeling that smile was exactly what Freya had been trying to warn him about.